Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. — Exodus 20:12 NIV
Parenting is a tough job whether you have toddlers, teenagers or any age in-between. You’re the leader of the home but getting your kids to recognize and respect your authority isn’t always the easiest task. An anonymous quote says it well,
“The toughest thing about raising kids is convincing them you have seniority.”
Yet it’s so important for children to learn to honor parents that you’ll find it smack dab in the middle of the Ten Commandments—and it’s the first commandment with a promise attached to it. “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 NIV). As children honor parents, morals and traditions can be passed along from one generation to the next.
But some days, that transmission can feel a bit muddled. If you’ve snapped at your kids lately or been frustrated by their behavior, take a moment to review these five ways to become a more positive, purposeful parent now:
#1: Make character building the highest priority.
What do you want your child to be like at thirty? Character qualities such as good, responsible, caring, courageous, hard working may come to mind. Culture fights against character building. It values celebrity over character, amusement over hard work. Make sure your priority as a parent is character building; it’s not being a cruise director so your child can be constantly amused.
Welcome the Holy Spirit daily in your home to do the work of character building. Galatians 5:22-23 NIV says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
#2: Reward initiative and effort.
It’s demotivating for a child to sweat and work hard, only to receive the same reward as another child who didn’t work at all. Don’t buy into the “participation trophy” mentality in your parenting. Instead reward your children for their effort and initiative. When you see them reach a goal, make a point to celebrate and honor that accomplishment. Reward books being read, chores being done without complaint, test scores improving, better behavior towards siblings, etc. This environment of encouragement will help them to live out Colossians 3:17 NIV, “Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
#3: Teach your children how to manage emotions and do the right thing.
The main question these days is “How do you feel about that?” Your child probably doesn’t feel like doing homework. She doesn’t feel like apologizing. He doesn’t feel like going out with the family. We’ve downplayed the power of the will to do the right thing even you don’t feel like it. Ask your child “What do you think about that? What is the right thing to do in this situation?”
#4: Make the Bible and prayer part of everyday life.
Psalm 113:3 NIV says, “From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.” If you want to pass along a vibrant faith in God to your children, you must model it. You must talk about it. Read a Psalm at breakfast. You can pray with your child about a struggle at school. Join a Moms in Prayer group. Memorize a verse a week together as a family. Find a person to serve together; maybe you can babysit for a single mom so she can get her shopping done. Let your children consistently see your faith in action.
#5: Put good habits in place—one at a time.
Studies show that 45-50% of what we do is habitual. As parents, we can help our kids develop healthy habits that will really help them into adulthood. Do they eat food that’s healthy? Are they getting enough exercise? Do they finish tasks? What do they do with free time? If the only answer is “play video games,” think of one other interest or hobby your child can pursue instead and get that change going.
As long as your children are living under your roof, you still have time to make positive and vital adjustments. It’s not too late!
When you have a positive mindset as a parent and you put a plan into place for your family, you will have more purpose and joy. You will enjoy living with children who know how to honor their parents—and experience all the blessings that come with keeping that commandment.
