And when he [The Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: — John 16:8 ESV
The Danger of Unresolved Guilt
We all experience guilt, yet we often fail to ever resolve it. This is dangerous because unresolved guilt is destructive to the mind and body; it activates stress pathways that increase inflammation, which exacerbates existing health problems and creates new ones.
One reason we fail to resolve guilt is because there are two kinds—legitimate and illegitimate guilt—that must be resolved in different ways; when we confuse the two, we fail to apply the proper solution and, thus, continue to struggle under chronic guilt.
Dealing with Legitimate Guilt
What is guilt? It is a feeling of conviction, of self-judgment, mixed with fear of reprisal or punishment, insecurity, and self-recrimination.
Legitimate guilt occurs when we have actually done something “wrong”, when we have violated God’s law of love by exploiting others or betraying trust. This would include robbery, murder, adultery, ruining someone’s reputation with lies, cheating on taxes, etc.
Guilt from wrongdoing is a work of the Holy Spirit to alert us to the damage we are inflicting upon our souls (2 Corinthians 7:10 NIV). It works in the same way as the physical pain we experience when touching a hot stove. The pain is not bad; it is alerting us to physical damage, motivating us to pull our hand away before we suffer permanent injury.
Likewise, when we sin, we sear (burn) our conscience and damage our character, so the Holy Spirit responds by convicting us of guilt to alert us to the damage and motivate us to pull back, to stop the soul-searing action, and to seek Jesus for healing.
Unresolved guilt from wrongdoing incites fear and insecurity in us and leads to more unhealthy choices.
When Adam sinned, he ran and hid from God, the only one who could help him resolve his guilt, because he was afraid (Genesis 3:10 NIV). His conscience having convicted him, Adam felt inadequate and feared that God would treat him as his own conscience felt: with condemnation. Likewise, when we violate God’s law, our conscience convicts us of sin and we experience insecurity and fear of rejection by God and others.
Because of this fear—rather than owning up to our mistake, confessing our wrong, repenting, and setting things right—we often make excuses and blame others, like Adam did: “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree” (Genesis 3:12 NIV). We attempt to hide our sin by distorting, denying, blaming, projecting, making excuses, and even lying to ourselves to avoid the fear of punishment and rejection that sin brings. But such actions do not heal; they damage the soul further as one learns to avoid truthfulness and live a life of self-deception.
Solution to Legitimate Guilt
The only solution to legitimate guilt is repentance and restoration (1 John 1:9 NIV). This confession includes more than just words; it includes a change of heart, in which we no longer desire to do the destructive behavior again, and we seek to restore only when such reparation would add no further harm.
Such repentance happens only in a relationship with God. It is the work of the Holy Spirit: “I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV). A repentant person realizes that while history does not change, through God’s grace, they are changed (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV). This is the only way to resolve legitimate guilt.
Dealing with Illegitimate Guilt
But not all guilt is legitimate. Just because we feel guilty does not mean we have done actual wrong. It’s more difficult to resolve illegitimate guilt because it feels just like legitimate guilt but occurs when we have not violated God’s law of love. Illegitimate guilt is always the result of believing a lie.
Because illegitimate guilt feels just like legitimate guilt, many make the mistake of trying to resolve it by repentance and restoration. But this never works—because there is nothing to repent or restore!
Imagine your spouse has planned a special getaway weekend to surprise you, but you, not knowing about the plans, have previously agreed to switch shifts with a coworker. When your spouse announces the getaway, you explain the work conflict, yet your spouse gets angry and says, “See if I ever plan anything again. Every time I try to do something for us, you ruin it.”
You might be tempted to feel guilty and try to resolve it by repentance and restoration: “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” But this would only make matters worse because it colludes with the lie that you were wrong for not being available when you did no wrong.
Solution to Illegitimate Guilt
Jesus said, “The truth will set you free” (John 8:32 ESV). It is the truth that resolves such guilt. So always ask, “Did I do anything wrong, immoral, illegal, or selfish? Did I betray a trust?” The truth here is that no wrong was done. Therefore, the guilt is illegitimate.
After recognizing that the guilt is illegitimate, we then must dig a little deeper: “What is the truthful emotion for this situation?” Perhaps disappointment and maybe a little frustration with a spouse who is so unkind and so easily blames you when no fault has occurred.
If you go along with the lie that you did something wrong when you didn’t, it legitimizes your spouse’s behavior, increasing your feelings of guilt and stress, that you’re always to blame, ultimately destroying your individuality. The only healthy response is the truth: “Sweetheart, I understand your disappointment. I appreciate your thoughtfulness to plan this weekend getaway. But I didn’t do anything wrong. If you choose to be angry, I understand it is anger at the situation and not me. I love you.”
So next time you experience guilt, first determine if it is legitimate or illegitimate. If legitimate, go to Jesus in repentance. If illegitimate, reject the lie and apply the truth.
For even more from Dr. Tim Jennings check out his book The God-Shaped Brain,
What you believe about God actually changes your brain.
Brain research in neuroscience has found that our thoughts and beliefs affect our physical, mental, and spiritual health. Mind and body are interrelated, and we are designed for healthy relationships of love and trust. When we understand God as good and loving, we flourish.
Unfortunately, many of us have distorted images of God and mostly think of him in fearful, punitive ways. This leads us into unhealthy patterns of self-defeating behaviors and toxic relationships. But our lives can change when God renews our minds with a truer picture of him.
