Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. — James 1:27 KJV
If you ask today’s parents of teens which subject matter makes them most nervous about discussing with their child, they’d probably answer, “Sex.” Now, that’s been true for generations but today’s parents suspect down deep that their kids may know more about sexual matters than they do. (And in many cases, due to the prevalence of porn even in elementary school—the average age of first Internet porn exposure is 11 years old—that suspicion is right.)
Parents are finding it is nearly a full-time job to try to understand and deal with the hypersexualized world that our kids live in, while knowing that God wants us and them to remain, as James advised, “unspotted from the world.” Romans 12:2 echoes this thought: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (NKJV).“ That’s what we want for our kids and ourselves. We see the devastating effects of our culture’s sexualized atmosphere and want desperately to protect our children from that.
What does the Bible say?
One reason parents feel powerless is that some may secretly suspect that some of today’s issues, like porn, abortion, and transgender issues aren’t dealt with directly in the Bible. If God told people plainly “Thou shalt not steal” and “Thou shalt not bear false witness,” they think, why couldn’t He have given other instructions? Like, “Thou shalt not try to change thy gender and here’s why.”
Even a Bible concordance isn’t a lot of help sometimes. It’s true, the Old Testament passage in Deuteronomy 22:5 says: “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this (NIV).” And what happens when a mom wearing jeans and a tee shirt reads this verse to a kid?
The answer lies in reading the context of those instructions in Deuteronomy 11:1-12, in which God signals, “I want you to be a remarkable people, and to do things with clothing and agriculture and animals to show you’re remarkable, you do noticeable things because your God asks you to, and you’re not going to mix your lifestyle with that of pagan people around you.”
Fast forward to today. Any teen can see that hospital workers wearing surgical scrubs, both men and women, isn’t a statement advocating godlessness, any more than mom’s jeans do. But they do understand, they inherently perceive, that modifying one’s body to appear of the other gender, is something else.
Biblical Principles on Transgenderism
Does the Bible use the term transgender? As in, “choose to modify your body so that it doesn’t have the visible sexual characteristics it bore at birth, in order to convey to others—and require of them that they agree with you—that you are not your birth-marked gender but another?” Not in any reliable translation of the Bible. But the Bible does say something specific about the principles.
Some men during Bible times were castrated. They were called eunuchs. The effect was the effeminizing of their bodies and their voices, and they could no longer reproduce. This condition was a reality in the ancient world and it literally changed men’s abilities in the sexual area. Even in His time, Jesus talked specifically about this.
In Matthew 19:1-10, the disciples heard Jesus’s strict teachings on marriage and divorce and the disciples concluded that people would be better off not getting married in the first place.
Matthew 19:11-12—Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
He was saying that some men are born unable to reproduce, some have been castrated, and some chose not to exercise their reproductive abilities—live as virtual eunuchs—in order to concentrate on ministry. So yes, there was a bodily sexual modification that Jesus talked about. But no male could choose to act as if they were castrated, except to serve God.
Understanding the Difference
Does changing one’s genitalia (or their appearance) serve God? Do you know of any example today of someone doing that so that God would be glorified?
How could you introduce this subject to your kids? As scary as it might feel for a parent to deal with some unfamiliar practices in the Old Testament, it’s absolutely terrifying for most teens to think of standing out, being different from their peers. Especially the “cool ones.”
You start by asking questions and telling stories. Ask your teen if they know of anybody who showed real courage by doing something nobody else would. An example might be a classmate who stood up to a bully when no one else did. The time that your child was “the new kid” in a school or club and somebody reached out. How did that person act like Jesus, even if they might not have known Him? Begin conversations about what it means to be courageous. Wait for a while and let them tell you their stories before you tell yours.
Take your time. Be patient. Later, ask questions in a non-judgmental way about kids they know who have “come out” to live a homosexual or “trans” lifestyle. They are congratulated for their “courage.” Dialogue with your teen about if there’s a difference between that kind of bravery and the kind that helps people and glorifies God (Proverbs 1:7).
That will help you and them to be able to understand why sexual practices to satisfy self are very different from an unspotted lifestyle – or at least the attempt to lead a lifestyle that says, “I am remarkable. And my God is proud of me.”
For more from Dr. Beth Robinson and Dr. Latayne C. Scott, check out their book Talking with Teens about Sexuality: Critical Conversations about Social Media, Gender Identity, Same-Sex Attraction, Pornography, Purity, Dating, Etc.
In today’s culture of sexual identity confusion, ubiquitous pornography, and the #MeToo movement, teens need to know how to protect themselves as well as how to treat others.
In this resourceful tool, Drs. Robinson and Scott help you understand your teen’s world and provide useful conversation starters and insightful guidance.
